A sweet finale

The last week of 2005 has been so positive and fun. Some highlights:

-- A spontaneous trip to quaint Bay Head with my sister, where we checked out some shops and bought Mom a birthday cake.

-- A Christmas day spent with my niece and nephew, both preemies, who beat the odds to get here and are now thriving.

-- Some wonderful surprise gifts from special people, including a DVD player from a sweet friend who knew it was time I joined the "real" world.

-- An overdue visit to a friend, who served a festive champagne punch and other goodies.

-- An under-the-weather friend rallying so he could join me for a fab Italian birthday dinner and cupcake a la mode.

-- A neat party and light dinner with a friend eager to take a break from her insanely busy life working for a film director.

-- This very morning, a workout that prompted my body to whisper to me over and over again, "Thank you, thank you, thank you ..."

Sweet.

Many happy returns

I had gift money and gift cards. So I spent the afternoon shopping. With glee.

Went to ABC Carpet and Home to buy a ring I had seen while holiday browsing. Had to have it. A tiny daisy made of gem stones. Looks vintage, my friend says. He's right. I wear it on my right pinkie. It's dainty and dazzling. A dainty and dazzling daisy.

Then I went to Macy's. That can get overwhelming. But I had a wallet mission. My current leather wallet/keychain is frayed and falling apart. Found myself in the Coach department. Bought a black wristlet. Way cool.

Happy Birthday to me.

Loved

I'm feeling very loved this Christmas season. I don't know if I've ever appreciated that about my life before.

How very fortunate I am.

Inspiring friend

My friend's book came out today. It's very exciting! The Barnes and Noble in Hoboken has done a whole window on her book, which is called Give It Up! She's a professional organizer and within an hour of a casual conversation with her last week, I found myself buying a Filofax. What a hoot.

But back to the book. For a whole year, she gave up something each month -- i.e., cellphone, dining out -- and wrote her observations and experiences. It's about simplifying your life. I'm looking forward to digging in.

I love that my friends are so creative and witty and accomplished. It's very inspiring and keeps life interesting.

Peace

I realize today that I am ending this year with a kind of peace I've never experienced before. It's hard to explain, this feeling of quiet confidence in my art, my life coaching, my decisions, my relationships. It allows me to give more freely, receive more graciously, breathe more deeply. It means I am more open to love and be loved, to trust myself and others, to take responsibility for my actions.

I have worked hard. I have learned important lessons.

I am filled with gratitude.

Holly jolly Christmas

Cheer, family, nuttiness, sweet and generous gifts, epiphanies, food aplenty. That was my Christmas weekend.

On the train ride home, spent about an hour on the phone with a dear friend. She is wise and wonderful and a joy to talk to. Yet another gift.

Then I came home and found a box from Barnes & Noble propped against my door. It was a gorgeous hard-cover copy of Wuthering Heights. Another friend had sent it to me after a conversation we had over dinner last week. She had been talking about the Emily Bronte novel as her very favorite and I told her I hadn't read it. Then, voila! I'm looking forward to digging in.

I am so blessed.

Striking

The transit strike is over. Hopefully jarring our routines gave us a chance to pause and appreciate some things.

I, for example, came away nearly unscathed and am ever grateful for that. I helped several folks navigate the PATH train system, which had added some trains to help out, and that felt good. And I battled a few crowds. But nothing compared to what I saw on the news.

I can't help but wonder how many entrepreneurs gained a greater appreciation for workers who couldn't get to work. I had a manager of a cafe serving my coffee the last three days. Some stores couldn't open at all. This was life without many of the folks who bus tables, deliver food, work cash registers.

It was a chance for people who did make it to work to tell their tales of perseverence and resilience. Some came in with blisters. Others exhilarated. At the very least, some pounds were dropped and sleep came easily.

I feel for the businesses that lost significant money. I laud the people who kept their patience and even extended themselves. I hope MTA workers find peace in resolution.

What a week.

Day by day

It's that time of year to buy a calendar for my appointments and such. I've been using a desk-size one the last few years and it feels too cumbersome to me now. Yet I want one big enough to accommodate all my coaching appointments and social commitments. This is a big decision for me.

I mean, I'm the type of person who makes buying a book of stamps a process. I bought a book today and I had a whole dialogue with the postal clerk about the purchase. "I love my country, but I'm sick of flags on my mail. How about flowers or something artsy?" I said. He painstakingly checked his inventory and found me stamps called New Mexico Rio Grande Blankets. They're gorgeous. I was so grateful he told me I made his day.

But I digress. I was talking to a friend about buying an appointment book and she said she needed to really sit with the options before making a decision. I concurred. But then I found myself in a cafe with a life coaching client and trying to put our next appointment in the book, which will be in January. I had to squeeze it into a little space at the back of my 2005 book. I knew that wouldn't do.

So then I found myself in a stationery store and the clerk was showing me all the merits of this new, very affordable Filofax organizer. It's bright red. I just happen to have a shiny red pen and lead pencil set that would fit nicely into the pen loops. So much for "sitting with my options." This just felt right. It's classy and practical and feels good in the hand. It's like I'm taking myself seriously.

All that from a calendar.

Right

When do I watch Dr. Phil? Almost never. But yesterday I happened to catch part of his show and I keep thinking about something he said. It's not a new thought, but certainly one that bears repeating at certain times in our lives.

He was counseling a newly married couple whose union was already on the rocks and he finally asked, "Do you want to be married or do you want to be right?" Yowza. I really need to remember that sometimes. I loooooooooove to be right. I have to at least get the love down to a like.

That's my confession for today.

Truth in art

I was reading a November issue of The New Yorker recently and found myself absorbed in an article about how Emile Zola and Paul Cezanne were the best of friends. That is, until Zola wrote a novel with a character based on Cezanne and the latter resented how he was represented. The story was absolutely fascinating, transporting me to a world occupied by Manet and Monet and the salons of Paris.

It all came to mind again when my sister spoke of writing a book about our extended family. I like the idea, but I explained to her that it can get complicated. Look at Zola and Cezanne, I said. We have some wonderful, heartfelt experiences to relate, but a true account would have to also include the negativity and the dysfunction. Otherwise, it's not real. And if it's not real, it won't be interesting.

Zola knew this. That's why he included the dark and the light. His portraits of people are multi-dimensional. It cost him a significant relationship.

That's a chance we take in art.

Weekend

This is a weekend.

Baking cookies with my mother. What a hoot.

My brother and I driving along the oceanfront in Belmar and Spring Lake, complete with moonlight shimmering on the water and houses decked out in lights.

A much-needed gym workout.

A sermon that soothed my soul.

A stimulating walk through the huge Victoria's Secret in Herald Square, with designs by Roberto Cavalli and Betsey Johnson.

The department store windows!!!!! Macy's and Bergdorf Goodman, such creative, visionary expressions.

Brunch and drinks with an irresistible man.

Crate & Barrel.

Over and out.

Peek-a-boo

Writing a blog is sometimes like attracting voyeurs
We've kept the shade open
Provided a ladder for easy access

It's weird
Kind of heady
Sometimes unsettling

It's only one window.

Conflicted

There is a fear I am trying to work through right now, today. It feels very pressing, this need to resolve it. The way I handle this is key, not just to the present circumstances but to others moving forward. This is a test of emotional intelligence. I can go one of several ways. Which is healthiest? Which allows for peace in my heart and soul? Which will feel like I haven't dodged it but dealt with it? I'm so smart. My intellect is clear on how to go. My emotional side is straddling the fence. I am conflicted. I am scared. Ultimately, I will grow.

Good decision

Tonight I was offered a ticket to go see The Color Purple on Broadway. I had to turn it down because I had a life coaching session scheduled with a client.

It was worth it.

In the last couple of years, I have turned away a ticket to the opera and a seat at Robin Williams' HBO special because of client conflicts. Hard as it is in the moment to turn the opportunities down, I am ultimately validated by my decision.

Tonight, for example, I so thoroughly enjoyed the session. It was productive. The client is making some great headway on his goals. He had some important insights.

It is good work, this life coaching. And I'll keep doing it faithfully until it doesn't feel that way anymore.

Today's delights

--An impromptu trip to that treasure trove of a store, ABC Carpet and Home. Oh my God. So much eye candy. And a fabulous bonbon made of white chocolate and hazelnuts topped it off.

-- Putting a piece of my book manuscript in the mail to an agent.

-- This message in a Christmas card from a special friend: Listen to your inner voice. If you can't hear it, sit still long enough and you will.

-- The feel of blasting heat when leaving the bracing cold outside and heading indoors.

-- The big, white moon suspended way above the icy, gray cityscape.

Found time

My new "day" job schedule: 8:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.
I was in a cafe writing my book by 3:45 p.m.

Bless the gift of time.
Bless fresh perspective.

Window magic

I'm so excited about going to see the department store windows this year. It's something I always enjoy doing, but I'm extra enthused this season after watching a special on HGTV today. It was all about the behind-the-scenes planning of the windows.

How fabulous would it be to conceive of those windows a year in advance and then watch them come to fruition? What a cool job. I'm really looking forward to seeing Saks. The designer talked about themes for each window being things like wisdom, beauty, friendship, harmony, etc. Love that.

One I won't be seeing in person is the flagship Niemann Marcus store in Dallas, but it really came to life on TV. They did an underwater Christmas tree theme, complete with coral and fish and things painstakingly made out of colored glass.

I'm so jazzed by others' creativity and how it manifests. So jazzed.

Alone together

I was reading the January issue of O magazine and came across something that spoke to me so. (Something always speaks to me in O, but I digress.) In an article by Julia Alvarez titled, "Third Time's the Charm," there is this:

I used to think that I couldn't be married because I liked being alone so much. I'm a writer. I love solitude. Don't get me wrong; I love people, love being part of my noisy, impossibly crowded extended familia ... But solitude is my bread and butter ... But what I didn't know until I married Bill is that you can be solitary together.

Hmmmmm. I can really relate to that line of thinking. Until very recently, it always made me feel like a freak. The article was so validating, inspiring even.

Thank you, Julia.

Universe, bring him on.

Toasty

Icy sidewalks. Chill in the air.

Nap. Soup and salad. Hot chocolate. Lit Christmas tree. A movie.

Nesting extraordinaire.

That is my Friday evening.

Sparkly prayers

I decorated my Christmas tree on Saturday. I love, love, love it. My ornaments make me smile. Many of them have meaning to me or sentimental value. Some of them are what, in New Thought speak, might be called "prayers."

The gaudy gold sun makes me think of my book-in-progress because "sunshine" is in the title, for example. The blue and pink globe ornament I bought in Target this year tells me the world is my oyster, so to speak.

So imagine what my always-searching-for-meaning mentality was like when I came home at 8:45 last night to find the tree had fallen over in a big mess on my floor. What of my hopes, my loves, my prayers? I dreaded lifting it up and seeing what was shattered underneath.

As it turned out, I lost a treasured ball ornament with shoes handpainted on it, a gift from my sister that came in its own little velvet box. A glass Santa ornament was also shattered. The only other one that broke was a mini lamp ornament I bought last year, but I may be able to glue it back together. (Can I possibly resist likening it to 'seeing the light' after all?)

I painstakingly took all the ornaments off the fallen tree, stood it up, anchored it to the wall with some cord, and decorated it all over again. Twenty four hours later, I am looking at it and smiling all over again. Maybe I was supposed to find out just how determined I am to make those prayers happen.

Pretty darned determined, I'd say.

Real warmth

I must stop whining about the cold. Duh. I grew up in New Jersey. There are four seasons. One of them is winter.

This one feels like it came on so quickly. I mean, it's cold. Like chill to the bone cold.

But I am grateful to have cashmere and shearling, a wonderful home and the love of good people.

I am filled with warmth.

Good stuff

I am motivated and inspired this week by:

-- Four senior women on the 1 train with Southern accents wearing blinking necklaces, rings and star-shaped sunglasses and heading to Ellis Island in the 30-degree weather. I want to be that in my 70s.

-- A friend who deftly resigned from his job with that precarious combination of honesty and class.

-- My own creativity, which has taken on a sense of urgency. The good kind.

-- Howard Stern as he brings his radio show to a resounding close before heading over to satellite.

-- The wonderful responses to my December life coaching newsletter.

Good stuff.

Twinkle, twinkle

You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
--Friedrich Nietzsche

Gingerbread

Have you seen what people do with gingerbread? As I'm getting some email work done, I'm watching a special on the Food Network about a gingerbread competition in Asheville, N.C. and it's astounding.

There are people and reindeer and drums and carousels and hotels made from gingerbread and other assorted edible items. One young lady in the younger division made a tower structure complete with Rapunzel. Another kid made a drum. Yet another a pink palace.

Such a unique expression of creativity. Almost all the entries seem to be the manifestation of stories they've conceived for the occasion. The judges have their work cut out for them. One judge remarked that it smelled really good in the room, "like Christmas."

Nice.

Blog-o-sphere

As my brother well knows, I am a little bit obsessed with my blog counter. It tells me where people come from who read my blog. There are no specific names, just places. It also tells me if someone has reached the blog via a search. Since Monday, readers have found their way to Write Thinking by doing these Google or Yahoo searches:

1. Rachael Ray new hairdo
2. Getting over irrational fear of mice
3. Tse coat
4. Colasurdo
5. Michigan Rocks cookies
6. are your goals holding you back
7. Maya Angelou where does she go to write
8. red and white striped fleece clothing
9. i hate being single. i hate going to parties alone. i hate sleeping alone. i hate waking up alone. i hate knowing that every single boring errand i have to do (Note: This is a quote I deplored from the book He's Just Not That Into You.)
10. how to unstick wooden drawer
11. "you can do it baby, do it tonight"
12. Emily Dickinson I stepped from plank to plank
13. Stephen Shapiro smart goals
14. still i rise Maya Angelou

Geographically, in the same time period, I've had readers from:

New Jersey (Hoboken, Jersey City, Brick, Belmar, Linden, Camden, Edison, Morristown, Hillside, Eatontown, Roselle Park, Zarephath, Carteret)
Philadelphia
Germany
Alabama
Turkey
Connecticut
Georgia
North Carolina
California
Virginia
New York (Manhattan, Flushing, Mineola)
Oregon
United Kingdom
Illinois
Singapore
Massachusetts
Norway
Florida
Missouri
Minnesota
Washington, D.C.
Nevada
Colorado
Rhode Island
Washington

I just love the universality of it all.

Holiday Lane

I had an impromptu journey through Holiday Lane tonight. For those not in the know, that's the name of the holiday section at Macy's. I had an appointment that ended earlier than expected and next thing I knew I was heading up to the ninth floor.

What a feast for the eyes, an orgy of ornaments. The selection in the Christopher Radko section was like nothing I've ever seen. The man is the genius of sparkle and color. There were so many themed trees -- astrology, Victorian, toys, polar bears, nautical, color schemes. Every time I turned a corner there was another tree decked out in some outrageous way.

I resisted purchasing, just took it all in. I walked out humming Walking in a Winter Wonderland.

A delightful respite.

Perky gone wild

OK, Rachael Ray is usually perky, but I'm watching her holiday special and she seems hopped up on crack. I typically enjoy watching her prepare food, but it's kind of hard to watch her on this show. Something about her exaggerated facial expressions and her frenetic pace are making me squirm. It's like somebody told her she wasn't animated enough and she's compensating.

Take it down a notch, darlin'. You were already good.