Peeling the onion

Tonight was the final class of my Artist's Way group. We met for 13 consecutive Thursdays and it was really special. I so enjoyed how they became more and more comfortable with each other and seemed to really build trust over time.

What is amazing about Julia Cameron's book is its timelessness certainly, but also the way it allows you to use it as a motivator whenever you need to unblock or tap into your creativity. First-timers get a wonderful introduction to her concepts and tools; repeaters get to peel another layer of the onion.

I have been on the student side of The Artist's Way twice -- once with my friend Eyleen and once with Julia Cameron herself -- and I've now taught it about a half dozen times. Each time I see something I didn't see before. This time I was acutely aware of all the New Thought concepts in the book. Interestingly, I think The Artist's Way was my introduction to New Thought; I just didn't know it at the time.

What I do know is that I now have a much deeper understanding of what she means by surrendering in the creative process as opposed to trying to control it. It's all about letting things flow and being open. At one point, that stuff sounded like hocus pocus to me. Now it's becoming a way of being. And it feels damn good.

The group that met for its final class tonight is strongly considering assembling again for the sequel, Walking in This World. I hope it comes to pass. We all have another layer to peel.

Visiting Sin City

I just saw a screening of Sin City and it immediately made me think of a post I wrote here last week. It was about exercising those writing muscles that tap into the imagination in an outsized way.

This film, chock full of stars, brings a comic series to life, makes its characters and seedy setting three-dimensional. Thinking of my book-in-progress, I found myself marveling at how far artists will go into the dark recesses of their minds to bring a vision to fruition.

Honestly, I could have lived with a little less -- OK, a lot less -- blood and gore. But overall I was transfixed and very much aware this was a film outside of my usual personal taste "zone."

Bravo.

Sweet music

I love what I do for a living. Have I said that before? It bears repeating.

I did a coaching consultation with a fascinating woman today. We laid out her goals, three of them. She was jazzed. I was jazzed. Sweet music.

I can hardly wait to see them come to fruition. That's what it is about this profession. Not only do you get to see your own goals realized, but you get invested in your clients' goals.

So affirming and inspiring.

Clean up

I met a friend for coffee at a local Starbucks the other day. She said that just the day before she had been in that same Starbucks and a local political candidate was at the next table. When the candidate and entourage left, the table looked like "a 3-year-old had eaten a muffin there," my friend said. "It was a mess."

I love this story. I thought of the song my sister-in-law sings to my 3-year-old nephew. "Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up .. " Imagine all the money these people are spending on ads, the articles being written to educate us on where they stand on the issues. When, in fact, all we really needed to know was we have a candidate who missed the "clean up after yourself" lesson in pre-school.

You can't make this stuff up.

Book smart

Three times within 10 days someone mentioned author Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist to me. This was weeks ago. I took the hint from the universe and read the book. It changed everything. I had two major insights about my own book and have been working on it every day since.

Imagine that. Being unblocked by casually reading a book. I am ever grateful that I have learned to heed signs, to be open and, in some cases, to stop resisting. A friend was reading the book last summer, but his copy was in Spanish so I couldn't borrow it. Then it fell off my radar. Until recently.

I believe I was supposed to read that book exactly when I did. Had I not deviated from my usual Sunday afternoon routine and instead found myself sitting with the book and a cup of coffee, I may have never had the epiphany I did. The experience has helped me to process and embody the nuanced concept that no matter what happens in life, it is all for the good.

Twice in the last week Life of Pi by Yann Martel has crossed my path. I bought it. I'm on page 73. I can hardly wait to find out why the universe wanted me to pick it up.

Cup o' coffee

I have discovered Island Coconut coffee. Back in the fall I was on a Pumpkin Spice coffee kick. Then my local joint started carrying French Toast flavored coffee. Can you imagine? I like to make a regular cup and just put a splash of the flavored stuff on top.

So now it's Island Coconut. Kind of tastes like a Mounds bar. Nothing like morning pages and a cup of that. Not too sweet. Just enough to be a treat.

That's all for today.

Inspiration by mail

Today I had one of those moments of self-doubt regarding self-employment. These are (thankfully) far outnumbered by moments of exhilaration and determination, but when they hit, they hit hard.

So I asked for a sign. You know, something telling me what a fantabulous, inspirational coach I am and how I should keep on truckin'. And so the mailman delivered it into my mailbox. It was a letter from a guy named Mike.

Nearly two years ago Mike and I met for a coaching consultation, but he couldn't swing the fee to hire me. He's a photographer who lives a simple life so he can be in his art. So he wrote me this week to tell me he had applied for a Guggenheim fellowship (a $37,000 award), but had just received the rejection letter.

"But ... the first money that I was going to spend was hiring you," he wrote. "Now ... no money and no clarity. But my gratitude to the cosmos for what I have been blessed to 'see' is unending."

I feel blessed as well. There is magic in coaching.

Diva delight

Yesterday, my last "official" day working at the senior center, I was doing some research on Greta Garbo. I was trying to write a blurb for an event I had booked where an archivist will come in and do a slide show on the actress. That's how I came across this wonderful website about divas -- http://www.divasthesite.com/index.htm.

My favorite feature is the list of quotes from all the divas. Here are some of the highlights:

"With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn't consider dying." -- Bette Davis

"Everything you see I owe to spaghetti." -- Sophia Loren

"I am simple, complex, generous, selfish, unattractive, beautiful, lazy, and driven." -- Barbra Streisand

"I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me." -- Bette Midler

"I don't want to be a silly temptress. I cannot see any sense in getting dressed up and doing nothing but tempting men in pictures." -- Greta Garbo

And, my personal favorite:

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd live it the same way. The truth is, honey, I've enjoyed my life. I've had a hell of a good time ... " -- Ava Gardner

Untangling the web

There is a peach of a man redesigning my website. I was so daunted by the task and he has shepherded me through the process unscathed (so far!). But seriously, there is something very big about expanding and reconfiguring what is essentially my online brochure. It has made me ask myself where I want my business to go and it has tested my commitment to my dream.

What caught me by surprise was how heady it was to revise my bio. I wrote the current website bio about three years ago and it needed some tweaking. Seemingly small changes to anyone else's eye signaled huge breakthroughs for me. Perhaps most significantly, I added a line about being in the process of writing a book about life coaching -- what a feeling of commitment!

This all hits me today because my web guy sent me some pages he'd finished for my review. It all looks so good. I can't wait to launch it. I have more copy to send him, so I'm happily off to it ...

A sense of autonomy

As is often the case, the chapter my group is reading in The Artist's Way this week feels very synchronous to me. We're in Week 11, which means just one more to go. This one's about recovering a sense of autonomy, something artists often struggle with and something I feel like I'm finally getting my footing on. It's also about being true to your "artist" personality rather than trying to fit into a mold that doesn't feel quite right.

"As an artist, my self-respect comes from doing the work," Julia Cameron writes, using the first person for effect. "One performance at a time, one gig at a time, one painting at a time." This week I might add, "one book at a time." She really taps into the feeling of being in stride with your artistic side when she talks about self-respect. It is immensely satisfying to be in that place.

"As artists, we are spiritual sharks," Cameron writes later in the chapter. "The ruthless truth is that if we don't keep moving, we sink to the bottom and die ... The stringent requirement of a sustained creative life is the humility to start again, to begin anew."

So true. That is why it is so challenging to break through blocks and weather rough patches. Because we perceive ourselves as stagnant and we don't want that sinking feeling Cameron describes.

She also hits on her two tools that have been instrumental in my own creative success this last year or so -- exercise (particularly walks) and morning pages. Cameron writes, "Exercise is often the going that moves us from stagnation to inspiration, from problem to solution, from self-pity to self-respect." Yes, yes, yes. She also refers to morning pages as meditative, something that particularly resonates with me lately. Mine have gone from occasionally meditative to almost always meditative. The words just pour out and I can go to that place no matter where I am. It might very well be a case of practice makes almost perfect.

Thank you, Julia.

Creative spirit

I skipped church today and it felt so darned good. Not because I was skipping church per se, but because last night I indulged in champagne and wine and a really good dinner and I continued the treat to myself by sleeping in this morning.

I left the house only to write my morning pages in my favorite coffee spot and to stock up on some groceries so I could nest in and write today. And write on this rainy day I did! I created an outline of my story arc, made an exhaustive list of the "clients" my main character might encounter and then started back into the actual writing of my book. If I were to use a puzzle as metaphor, I would say the outer edges are in place and I'm in the process of filling in the middle pieces. It feels very good indeed, very spiritual, since the words and ideas seem to be channeling through me.

It's a different kind of spiritual lift than I get from church, one that makes me feel I'm connected to my reason for being here. Make no mistake, I look forward to returning to church and picking up right where I left off there -- setting a positive, illuminating tone for my week.

Still, the break was nice.

Out there

Writing my book has started to get exciting from more than just an idea standpoint. I'm fired up by the things that transpire daily that I have incorporated in and the things that I keep remembering to add from the past.

But what's truly been a breakthrough is the imaginative aspect of writing it. You see, I've always been a journalist and my fiction writing has reflected that. I'm very seasoned at chronicling or recreating things that happen in front of my eyes. What's tricky for me is taking it to that imaginative place, the place where Stephen King (to use an extreme example) and J.K. Rowling (to use another extreme example) seem very comfortable going in their writing.

So the fact that I've been slowly going outside the box is big stuff. When you find yourself wondering if you've gone a little bit too far with a scenario, you know you're on to something. You have to walk the plank, feel somewhat precarious, or you're not really extending yourself, right?

I'm out there. Let's see what happens!

A day in the life

I had one of those ideal self-employment days today. Slept until 7:45, went to the gym, sat in a cafe with a big cup of coffee and wrote my morning pages. Came home, ate breakfast, checked email, took a shower and left for the city for a life coaching appointment in Chelsea.

The client was late, which gave me a chance to make a phone call and jot down some notes about group coaching. After the coaching session, which crackled with good energy, I strolled over to 14th Street to see a space where I might do some group sessions. What a fabulous vibe! Much like the room I checked out in Hoboken last weekend, it had lots of light streaming in and such a positive overall feel. I instantly connected with Rachael, who showed me around and told me she loved "my mission."

I left there feeling light and cheerful and excited by the prospect of filling the room. I decided to head back to Hoboken using my former "commute" route -- Hudson Street in The Village. I love that section of the city. I thought about my book and what direction I might take it in when I sat down to write later in the day. As I stepped off the curb to cross the street, I found a feather. I've said it so many times -- every time I find a feather at my feet I hear the words, "Write, Nancy, write." I had to smile.

I stopped to pick up a few groceries on the way home and the produce guy told me to hold off on buying the cherry tomatoes because they'd be on sale tomorrow. Nice to be a regular customer. Once I came home, had lunch and checked email again, it was time to take the laptop to a local cafe to meet with clients, write the book, and even squeeze in some coffee and conversation with a friend and fellow entrepreneur.

My time, my terms, my life. Yeeha.

Sly move

I'm finding Sylvester Stallone inspiring twice in the same week! I was just watching Howard Stern interviewing Sly and he talked about how everyone thought he was crazy when he made a pivotal decision regarding his Rocky screenplay.

United Artists wanted to pay him $360,000 for the rights to the script. He was broke at the time and, as he put it, had learned to "eat cobwebs." But he wanted to star in the film and the studio didn't want to take the risk. He gave up the big bucks to get his way. We all know how that turned out.

Love that.

All about Bertha

I have been working as the program director for a senior center for the last eight weeks. Tomorrow is my last day. Today Bertha took me out to lunch.

I connected with Bertha immediately. Something about her rhythm, her smile, the way her mind works. She has a dry wit and a wonderful directness that makes her storytelling a hoot. Plus, she has a big heart and it is clear in her interactions with fellow members of the senior center. I also love the way she speaks so proudly of her three grown daughters.

So today she came to the center to "pick me up" for lunch. She handed me a shopping bag containing a gorgeous, lushly colored blanket she made. "To remember the center by," she said. The tears appeared in my eyes in an instant. What a loving gesture. And I'll be able to relive the feeling every time I wrap myself in it. She couldn't have known how good her timing was.

We went to lunch and chatted. My herb and goat cheese omelette with brioche and fabulous strawberry preserves made the outing that much sweeter. I felt so blessed and appreciative to be in that moment with her. As we finished our coffee and got ready to leave, Bertha reached into her handbag and pulled out a mirror and lipstick. She apologized laughingly, but I smiled a broad smile. I was in my purse doing the same.

I know a kindred spirit when I spot one.

Statement

I didn't know until today that I had reached such a profound level of emotional maturity.

Daily potpourri

An interesting day all around. Here's why:

1. I've said it before but it bears repeating. I love being published in different places. So I was excited to see my entry made it onto the "Miracle Blog" on my church's website. I had a story to tell and I told it. Very satisfying.

2. Another baby step towards group coaching! I was nosing around doing some Internet research and found (potentially) a very easy-to-access and priced-just-right Manhattan space to conduct groups. Stay tuned.

3. I'm reading a book that's blowing my mind and has caused a monumental shift in my thinking. I can't put it down. More on that in a future post.

4. Only one person showed up for my writing class tonight. Work obligations kept the others away. The lesson was on how to get started and how to get inspired. It was wonderful to have one-on-one time with a budding writer. A rare treat.

5. I went to the dentist and I'm still here to tell about it :)

'Nuff said.

Lightness of being

I remember an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie talks about having a date with her city, the ever fabulous New York. She gleefully takes herself to a movie at the Paris, to the Guggenheim, to a diner for some soup.

That is how I felt today, like I had a date with the city. I'm in Manhattan a lot and I usually enjoy it, truth be told. I love the rhythm of it, the endless possibilities, the array of languages, faces. But there was something about today that felt different. I walked out of church with a friend and, as we had different plans, I left her at the corner of 54th and Fifth and kept going south on Fifth.

I was very engaged, captivated by the simplest things. I bought a pretzel from a vendor and covered it in mustard, eating it with a smile on my face for blocks. As I stood on the corner near St. Patrick's Cathedral, another vendor smiled appreciatively when I complimented his choice of music -- when was the last time I heard the SOS Band singing, "Baby, you can do it, take your time, do it right, you can do it, baby. Do it, tonight?" I had to keep myself from really moving to the beat.

I could feel the bounce in my walk, my interaction with others, mostly men who seemed to pick up on the vibe. I was wearing my white Pumas with the black straps that I've been seeing all over New York. I had to have them and ever since buying them several weeks ago I've come to the conclusion they have almost the same effect on men as come-hither black pumps. Wow. It's like a phenomenon.

Later, as I sat with a cup of coffee and a book, the urge to write started washing over me in waves. I couldn't get home fast enough. I turned on the computer and started pounding out my thoughts. My fingernails were too long and were hindering my typing progress so I immediately went and cut them all off. How insane is that? How cool is that?

Maybe it was the mild weather. Maybe it was the Pumas. Maybe it was the usual rejuvenation I get from attending the church service. Maybe it was me letting greater forces work through me to produce lightness and space for my art.

Maybe I don't need to understand it at all, just be with it.

Space magic

Almost every day in my existence as a life coach, I preach the virtues of baby steps. So simple in theory, yet not always easy to execute. Today I took a nice, steady step.

I have been receiving all kinds of (divine?) signs that group coaching is a good idea, the way to go in my practice right now. Aside from designing how it would work, an obvious missing piece was the space in which to conduct the group sessions. Today I found one!

Thanks to a tip from a friend, I checked out the warehouse that has been converted into lofts here in Hoboken. There is a woman who conducts yoga, dance and children's classes in a three-room setup that is just spectacular. The room I'm interested in has light streaming in through the windows, which line an entire wall. There are lots of plants on the window sills and I love that Dina, the woman who runs the joint, showed me a beautiful flower that she had nurtured to life after finding it curbside. Good vibe all around.

Now it's time to fill it with clients. Another baby step. And then another ...

Clientele

I'm feeling very inspired and invigorated by my clients today. In the last three days, I have met with people who have accomplished or committed to such cool, exciting things.

One client is planning a coveted sabbatical with such care and thought you have to admire her ambition. Another just landed a dream job in which she was courted by a high-profile show business personality to work for him. Then I met with a guy who is clearly on the brink of showing his photography and taking his music to another level. And there is the woman who is plotting a long-awaited trip to Paris and embracing career possibilities that have seemingly "come from nowhere" because she is so open. Another committed to writing three chapters of her book by next week.

Whew. Unleash people's potential and they become unstoppable!

Is this a great profession or what?

Lazy thoughts

I love my Artist's Way group. I just had to say that. We meet here every Thursday and tonight we did Week 9. It's the chapter about compassion to oneself.

Some quotes from the chapter:

Blocked artists are not lazy. They are blocked.

Do not call the inability to start laziness. Call it fear.

Do not call procrastination laziness. Call it fear.

Bam. Bam. Bam. Julia Cameron just zings them in there, doesn't she? She also talks about discipline with a neat twist. We're so proud of ourselves when we're disciplined that it becomes the focus rather than the creative outflow. Yes.

The students in the group are so engaged in the material and open to insights and growth. It's a wholly gratifying experience.

Power and truth

I am feeling an extreme surge of power this evening. I'm not sure why but I like it very much. There's a sweet lightness to it, like nothing I've ever felt before.

It brings to mind that I just finished Caroline Myss' book, Anatomy of the Spirit, and found it to be very illuminating and insightful. I've decided to go back through it and reinforce some of the concepts for myself. I particularly like the way she uses anecdotes to great effect throughout.

My favorite section is where she outlines the Seven Sacred Truths, which are drawn from a combination of the Chakras (or power centers), Sacraments (Christian) and Sefirot (Kabbalah):

1. All is one.
2. Honor one another.
3. Honor oneself.
4. Love is divine power.
5. Surrender personal will to divine will.
6. Seek only the truth.
7. Live in the present moment.

So fascinating. A road map of sorts for the powerful, exhilarating journey I find myself on.

Spirit of success

Today at the senior center, I was researching potential speakers for some upcoming events. One was the amazing photographer Chester Higgins. I was checking out his website and found this gem in his Q&A section:

Spirituality, the basis of religious belief, informs my work. The spirit authors all existence. With the camera, I see myself as a rendering instrument for the spirit. I believe everything that is, exists at the pleasure of the spirit. I prefer to appreciate the nurturing presence of the spirit in people and in our surroundings.

One look at his beautiful work is a testament to those words. Each photo tells a poignant story.

The more I work towards living the life I was meant to live, the more drawn I am to people who are doing the same. Synchronously, my brother sent me an email yesterday with a top 10 list from the premier issue of SLY magazine. Sylvester Stallone had this among his tips for life:

Study people's success stories hard. Study their failures even harder.

I love that. I live that.

Writing class

I teach a class called Discovering Writing for the adult education program at the local high school. Tonight was our first class this semester, so as an in-class assignment I told the students to pretend they're a car and write from that point of view. I like to do it right along with them, just to stay sharp. Plus it's fun. Here's mine:

I have to be a red Corvette convertible. Is that cliche? I don't care. I'm slick, I'm fast, I get lots of attention. I'm rolling down the Pacific Coast Highway and the top is down. Oh Lord, this really is cliche. But what's better than this breeze, this sun, this sky, this endless water lapping the shore? Right now, nothing. I have classic rock 'n roll blaring out of my speakers. Eddie Van Halen is making the guitar do magical things as I wind around a sharp curve. I am in such control. I slow down, then speed up like it's a big game. I left Carmel a while ago and I'm heading to Santa Barbara. I never tire of this trip. It's what I was made for. I am smooth and shiny, glistening in all that sunlight. I can't get enough. I roll and roll. I'm a force. I'm unstoppable. Stay out of my way. I was born to dazzle.

Hmmmmm. What could a shrink do with that?????

Rest in peace

Someone I used to work for died this weekend. He was the CEO of a non-profit I worked for in my 20s. I find I'm very sad, not just for him and his family but also because I realized his passing brought up memories of unresolved relationships.

Back then, I was what I guess you could call a serial friend. I didn't sustain friendships or relationships. Preferred, in fact, to cut and run when things got uncomfortable. That makes me cringe now. I guess that's good on some level. I don't do that anymore. But how much hurting on both sides happened along the way?

It is particularly poignant to think about this today. I expressed just this week to a friend that I need to expand my friendships, to experience the give-and-get with more people who say yes to life and understand how precious time is. And I don't believe it's a coincidence that I saw Million Dollar Baby this afternoon, as it drove home that very point in a powerful way.

I feel very emotional this evening. A good kind of emotional. An in-touch kind of emotional. You know?

Rest in peace, Ron.

In the pink

It's St. Patrick's Day in Hoboken. Lucky me, I got out of town and missed out on most of the drunkenness, loudness, lewdness and greenery.

But alas, I got off the train at 9:15 or so and started walking the five blocks home when I passed a group of tipsy, 20-something guys. "Hey, I'm liking the girl in pink," says one of the guys. I'm wearing a pink jacket, I suddenly realize. Ha. I immediately tense up, but then can't help but smile.

Not in a million years did I ever think I'd get a kick out of being called a girl while in my 40s, but I honestly laughed for another two blocks without ever looking back.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to me.

My two loves

I really love life coaching and I really love writing. This is what I know today.

I wrote a story for the food section of my former employer, The Trenton Times, and just saw it in print today. I'll never get tired of that. Never. It feels great to see an article come to fruition. Yeeha.

I also did a group consultation this evening, coaching four women at once. Basically, we set goals, really paying attention to finetuning them so they "sing." It was so enjoyable to feel the energy in the room as they examined their lives and honed in on which areas needed work. I walked home feeling a strong pull to doing more coaching with groups. It's very powerful.

Fine, fine day.

Going back

I'm going to visit my family Saturday. It's been a while and I'm really looking forward to it.

So I call my mother to tell her I'm coming and she asks the inevitable question: What do you want me to make? She suggests stuffed cabbage. My favorite!

Sometimes there's no better feeling than being a kid again.

Electric energy

A good day all-around:

I got a new client this evening. I really like her and I'm excited about working with her. But what's really cool is how she came to me. A psychic told her to hire a life coach. So she Google-d and found me!

On my rides to and from work, I was treated to wonderful poetry courtesy of Barnes and Noble posters on the subway. Emily Dickinson on the way in, Percy Bysshe Shelley on the way back. Love that. Makes it worth being a strap-hanger.

Received a bunch of gratifying email responses to my monthly coaching newsletter. The highlight was from my cousin, Joe, who wrote me a note so poignant it brought tears to my eyes. It made me feel very fortunate, very abundant.

I feel like I'm getting signs galore that this short-term job at the senior center was meant as a motivator, a message to reinvigorate my coaching practice. And it's working! Things feel like they're getting in step. Suffice, to say, if I knew how to do a cartwheel, I'd be doing one right now.

That's all.

A vent

Did you ever do something with completely pure intent and feel like it was spit on? (No, Beautiful One, I'm not talking about you.)

I received an email today that was so out of line I didn't know whether to get angry or annoyed or both. What possesses people to outspokenness that crosses into rudeness? Get a grip.

Truth be told I've already given it too much energy. Not feeling spiritual about it either, though. Just had to vent. Arrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!